It’s not Imposter Syndrome, It’s Reality

We make choices in life. And there are certain choices we get to make again and again. Over and over.

I continue to struggle with putting myself “out there.” In person, online, on social media, etc.

I came across something I wrote over two years ago, which gets to the heart of the matter

Why am I afraid to be seen? Why am I afraid of exposing who I really am? I have nothing to fear, nothing to hide.The things that have happened to me, the things that have caused me pain and suffering (and exponential growth) are not my responsibility or burden. They do not define me as much as it was: a decision made, lesson learned, t-shirt earned. I am the sum of more than what I’ve lived through, learned, experienced and prayed. I have nothing to hide and all to show for no one but myself. I no longer do anything for anyone else except out of love. And I do what I do because I love myself. And I long to be myself again.

I wish I was still this person who wrote that in 2022. I imagine there have been similar writings to myself throughout my 40+ year life. This woman sounds incredible. And I want to be her friend.

Sigh

That 2022 woman also knows (just like my current self knows) that there are valid, REAL reasons that being yourself in public, to certain others, is asking for additional pain and suffering.

Because more challenges on top of challenges - that’s what I need right now.

I’ve worn more masks, created more facades, sculpted more personalities than the amount of days in my life.

You can be who you are wherever and whenever. As long as you are willing to deal with the consequences. And there can be some dire circumstances depending on the situation and what you are expressing.

Sometimes it is not about imposter syndrome and “how to break through!” Ugh, that makes me groan and eye roll and want to punch things.

Sometimes it is acknowledging that there are VERY REAL REALITIES if you show up strong, open, more honest, and more yourself.

So many jobs in my life I had to hold the facade. As I got older, it went from being a normal thing to being painful. My stomach, my body, just wasn’t having any of it. All I wanted to do was be myself and just relax.

At the time though, I couldn’t. Well, I wouldn’t.

I had bills to pay and at that moment in time, in my life, that wasn’t a mountain I wanted to stand on. I was there to work, not be myself. If I didn’t have those bills to pay, I wouldn’t have been there at all. And that’s the truth. And the reality. Of me. And of a lot of other people in a lot of situations around the world.

Okay, maybe it is imposter syndrome…

Or MAYBE…it’s religion or politics (they are separate! if anyone out there is listening!) Or race, orientation or other beliefs. Or the climate or social justice or access or food scarcity or education scarcity or something…(there’s a lot of these unfortunately.)

These things are a huge part of most people's lives. Those who tell them to get over themselves have little to no understanding about that person’s realities (and they have the privilege not to, which compounds the craziness). It’s like telling a toddler to drive a car to the grocery store.

So sometimes it is imposter syndrome…

But sometimes, it is you knowing that it is not the place or time to be putting yourself forward. Because the facts about reality are not you having imposter syndrome. You may be able to change feelings and emotions (great, do that!) but you aren’t necessarily able to change realities.

Don’t let people tell you your realities. Don’t let them sell your facts short with some positive thinking word salad. Don’t let them get in your head so you think you aren’t “doing things right” and “aren’t believing enough.” (Hmmm, doesn’t that sound like a religion now? Hmmmm.)

Honor your reality whether it makes sense to anyone else or not.

THAT is how you beat imposter syndrome.

And let anyone who thinks otherwise keep doing their thing - the results will speak for themselves.