Limits are for everyone’s own safety (and sanity)
10/4/20245 min read
Unfortunately, there is no magic wand to figure out the systems and things that work for you.
Again, if there was, we would all be living completely fulfilled and no-obstacle lives and you wouldn’t be reading this.
Or anything for that matter.
My life goal (though sometimes I forget it) is to have more free unstructured time to just be. No agenda, no to-list, nowhere to go. All I want to do is putter, clean up and out things around my house, read and write.
Blocking an entry on the calendar worked (which defeated the purpose, I know)…until it didn’t.
“5 minutes a day” to be done at some point worked..but it left me feeling worse (I didn’t want more to-dos.)
The “add it onto another task”…who am I kidding, that NEVER worked...
When I find this unstructured time, and do the things, it is like the magic wand is in my life. I feel limitless for hours and even days after. I can do things I never thought I could do. I can power through that to-list I was ignoring and enjoy it.
I don’t want this magic time, just so that I can get more done. I want this magic time whether or not I get more done after it.
Actually the goal is that more of MY time is less filled with “productivity.” I’m not even sure I like this side effect of increased productivity after unstructured time. Feels like it defeats the whole purpose of what I’m trying to do!
Hustle culture reigns, even though like most things, too much of anything, is a bad thing.
And sometimes it may be healthy and sane to do things that are seemingly crazy now for a benefit later OR instead save up resting so there is enough energy for that push of activity.
However, I tend to take the extreme circumstances past the points of no return (ie: self-destructive).
I know I have a naturally given set of “rules” for my body, mind and spirit that help me be more me and make sure I’m not adding additional stress. I’ve learned them by feeling bad, making mistakes, months long sicknesses & exhaustions, and just overall being regularly and always uncomfortable.
Which are some of the very same things that I have “been told to push through.”
Hmmm….
The always-go-to-example for me: My entire life I have attempted to be a social person in the sense that I should go out at night and on the weekends and do things, particularly with others. And for a while, I can hack my way through it. (And that is exactly how I feel, as if I have a machete in front of me trying to cut through the branches in front of me so I can put the machete down and rest.) Eventually though, I feel the pain. When I mention it to myself and others, I am suggested to “push through it”, “don’t fight it” to overcome it - mostly by myself, I can’t even blame the others.
So it’s not until I am straight up miserable, my body physically and mentally rebelling, that I stop trying to be social.
It’s a struggle. I want to fit in, I want to be part of the world, I want to do things.
My mind and body, though, have a completely different idea of what healthy and social mean for me.
If I follow my body, my personality and my tendencies, and stop doing the things that stress me out (which are those social and societal expectations) it makes all the other parts of my life easier.
But there is that trade off again. I know that the more I realize how wired “against the grain or against whatever is popular and accepted at the time in the world (if I can even keep up!)” the harder it is for me to acknowledge and honor my limits, while still living in the world.
Sometimes my sleep needs change drastically - Ever had an awful night's sleep but had an insanely good and productive day afterward? What do you do? There are days I thought that was the secret, not sleeping, which usually ended up in a breakdown by day 2 or 3 of shorting myself on sleep. But I felt fabulous and got so much done! (And it means I fit in with society!)
Still the basics, like eating real food, resting, and getting away from screens, are the things that I usually ignore or push past the most. Yet the basics, when they are in place, make the biggest difference in my life - meaning I am not as likely to physically and mentally break down as fast, if at all.
While I take care of the basics, in the short term I may not get anything done and/or participate in the world - that’s challenging. But in the long-term I am happier and more regulated so…that should win over “productivity.” Some days it does and some days it doesn’t.
And I’ve heard (and I know), that when I hit my limit someone else gets to come in and do what they do best. (I know there are plenty of people out there partying and having a great time while I’m asleep - they are partying enough to make up for me and likely a whole bunch of other people.)
It’s why we hire different people with different skill sets to be complementary at work. It’s why opposites attract in relationships (and may or may not fight about those differences regularly!)
Reminding you to remind myself: Limits are not bad or something to be fixed or “life-hack” our way out of.
They are our “secret code” for how we function best in this world. (We might “have no limits” in eternity but we aren’t there yet.) We are here on Earth, with physical, mental, emotional and spiritual limitations.
I think of it as we are all living on, what I’m going to call LIFE mountain. Yes, an actual mountain that we are all living on (you know, like the Earth! But maybe easier to picture as a mountain sometimes. Putting us all closer together.) Our lives may look like learning things, growing things, experiences, being with others, seeking out our version of success and at the same time supporting ourselves in the basics of life along the way (food, water, shelter, clothing, safety, love.)
Do we all want to climb the mountain? And even if I want to, instead of forcing myself to try climbing up a steep cliff, maybe I am better off hanging out at the base of the mountain for a while. Maybe someone comes along who I can help belay up the side (or maybe someone else can help me up!) Or maybe once I get to the top of that one cliff, I’m supposed to hang out there and check out the caves and the paths around the mountain for a time. And I can tell the people below me (or above me) that there may be a different way that’s easier for them.
I’d like to think that’s what we are all doing in our own way as we go along in life. Trying to travel our own journey but reaching out along the way. Your limits are not only going to help you, but help others as well.
Who would have thought? My seemingly antisocial evenings may help me and others.
I think of the introverts unite memes…so much truth in them…
(Original Sources for these memes: imgflip.com, imgixranker.com, winkgo.com and boredpanda.com)