What Gratitude Isn’t

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It became autumn overnight. It was 90 degrees and humid for months on end. Then one Saturday night, it plunged into the 40’s and 30’s with a high of 60 the next day and but for one unseasonably warm day we haven’t looked back.

Autumn. October, November. The family, grateful, harvesting sort of season. What worked, what didn’t. Make sure you count your blessings.

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BUT ensure they are really blessings & not something that you feel you have to be grateful for.

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The “be grateful for everything, even the bad stuff” is not just wrong, it can be further traumatizing. And it can keep you from healing. Forcing yourself to feel grateful for something you are not can perpetuate pain. And keep the story going when you are working so hard to heal and move on from it.

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As in most situations, one liners, memes, carousels and shorts – we aren’t getting the whole picture. There is assumed nuance (or maybe there is not and that’s even worse!)

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It’s that time of year for these sorts of things. It’s like Christmas decor being unloaded in the stores at the end of August. It looks good, sells well and does have a ring of truth to it. But we aren’t ready yet, it’s not the right time and not the right context.

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Be grateful. Of course. Please do. But make sure it is what you are really grateful for. And not what you’ve been told you need to be grateful for to be a well rounded, well adjusted, happy, healthy adult. (I actually believe those don’t exist in real life.)

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• Don’t think you have to be grateful about the awful things that have happened to you in this lifetime just so you can heal and move on.
• Don’t think you have to be grateful for what you aren’t, even if everyone around you is grateful for that exact thing.
• Don’t think you have to be grateful at all, at any time, for anything

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Gratitude is there as a tool. Some days you need a hammer. Others you need a cordless screwdriver, or a table saw. That hammer isn’t going to get you anywhere those days. No need having it weigh you down and do additional damage.

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It’s not helpful or healthy to be false. Not with others but even more so with ourselves. This time of year can have the stark affect of showing you what is real and what is not. I actually highly recommend not sharing stuff like this as people won’t get it, can’t get it and that’s fine – because they don’t need to get it. Only you do.

November Listening Exercise

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What do you feel like you need to be grateful for but just can’t imagine doing so?

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Are there other things that aren’t a great fit but you feel like you need to be grateful for them anyway?

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What would it look like/feel like to stop being “grateful” or pushing yourself to be “grateful” for those things?

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​I always love to hear your answers – I promise, I will “get it” – if you would like to share – please hit reply and let me know.