My most current audio message chat with a friend is talking about the next step or doing the next right things. But we both have no idea WTF they actually are. Okay, I should just speak for myself – I have no idea WTF they actually are. I try something here or there. Look back to what has worked before. I have been known to co-workers and friends as the one who just does things and sees what happens. (”What’s the worst that can happen?!”) As I do all that I remember all the stories stating that “the thing” –…
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It took me 11 years to return to a retreat house no more than 45 minutes away from my house. It’s the best deal there is…a quiet place with other quiet people, three meals, lots of trails, spaces and woods to roam. I went back to my favorite place there – still there, much the same and much changed. I remember finding peace and strength there right before my divorce – though I didn’t know that at the time. I kept that picture up from September 2014 on my phone through those tough years. Now that it’s just upheaval all…
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And maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be It seems like whether we want to or not, December reminds us of things – that we wanted or want to do. My forgotten dreams come as I remember earlier holidays and/or while I’m making plans for the holiday into next year. I will pick up some old dreams I had when I was younger and check them out, again and again. Year after year. At the same time, I will also hear that incessant chatter in my brain about bringing back lost dreams and “who were you when you were kid?…
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It’s the end of August and everyone around me seems to be over it. The heat, the busy busy busy… Everyone around me is getting sick and things are just harder to smooth over and ignore. It’s all coming to a head with everything. It (may) help as this is the time of year that schools get ready to or are returning. And this is when all the fall sports, the events, the meetings, everything starts back up again. And for most, there was no summer of relaxation and re-charge, it was just more of the same, to-do’s, schedules and…
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(it’s a celebration and I don’t like it) Toward the end of July is normally where I would take a day off and celebrate my birthday. (Though it’s not remotely near my “official” birthday.) This is where I sound like the cranky old lady I am. I don’t like celebrations. Especially if they are about/around me. My idea of celebration, of relaxation is to hole up in my house, in silence, reading, writing and eating without any interruption. No people, no noise, just me, being me, wandering through my house in silence with my thoughts running through my head uninterrupted…
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It’s summer and hot. This is when I want nothing more than to stay inside with the fan going (and the AC turned down as much as my bank account can handle). I get my room temperature herbal tea and all my books. Not just any books. But all the books with any form of writing in them. It’s time to sort, categorize and rip. A long time ago I used to set aside a morning or an afternoon for this process. I would have so much writing spread across so many journals. Now I do it in shorter sessions…
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a lot of things really don’t matter. And you don’t figure out what does actually matter without retreating. I am retreater. I met a friend for tea the other day and I said “I tend to retreat during Spring and Summer.” She responded “You said that back in the Fall and Winter.” So I retreat all the time. Because I am a retreater. I’m not surprised. I want to make sure I have time. It is vital for me to make space, to have space, to have time and space to make the time and space. It is the necessary…
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(For the season…) I’ve been wrestling personally with my rhythms. I have found a lot of support in routine – in doing things at certain times, at the same times, to stay in my rhythm or my flow. It gives my regularly panicking brain a break to know that “X will be done at Y time.” I’ve realized though it’s not about the things I do – it’s about what those things mean to me and how I am when I’m doing them. It’s more the timing of the things rather than THE THINGS themselves that gives me the routine.…
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I am finding more ease and freedom with my early bedtime and quiet hours. I am also finding I am getting WAY more done (what I want to do and what others want me to do!) with the renewed energy. But I didn’t put the boundary in place so I could “life-hack” my way to better productivity. Quite the contrary. It’s a benefit for sure but… I would still want the boundary in place even IF I didn’t get this additional benefit of increased “productivity.” Intention matters. Hustle culture still reigns though we know better. Do what you gotta do,…