(it’s a celebration and I don’t like it)
August 2025
Toward the end of July is normally where I would take a day off and celebrate my birthday. (Though it’s not remotely near my “official” birthday.)
This is where I sound like the cranky old lady I am. I don’t like celebrations. Especially if they are about/around me.
My idea of celebration, of relaxation is to hole up in my house, in silence, reading, writing and eating without any interruption. No people, no noise, just me, being me, wandering through my house in silence with my thoughts running through my head uninterrupted and undisturbed.
Not what many people would consider celebratory.
But for me, any and all days like this feel like I’ve won the lottery.
I find most celebrations to be loud, obnoxious and anxiety producing. Everyone wants you there being happy (whether you are or not), faking that you are enjoying yourself (especially if you are not), eating foods (probably which may or may not want at that time) and talking to people (again that you may or may not want to – ever – talk to.)
Yes, I am this fun at parties. And yes, I hold all this in and put the “I’m a party person” hat on for as long as I can when it’s others birthdays and celebrations. There are people who can attest to the fact that they think I’m an extrovert. They are very wrong. I am a VERY good actress. (I do have a time limit though, ask me how I know.)
Most birthdays and celebrations are NOT about the person they are celebrating (see kids birthday parties). It’s taken me until mid-life to accept that this is just the way it is. I will not be changing everyone’s collective minds anytime soon. This is the acceptable birthday thing and anything less is to be labeled more crazy than I already am. And at some point all the being labeled crazy starts to work against you (even if all you want to do is be left alone…)
To make sure I do MY celebration, I do my thing for my birthday in a totally different month, where no one has any idea what I’m doing. There is a different day that I like to take it on in particular but this year I had what feels like all my social obligations (including a public presentation) for this year on these certain sets of days.
However, a week ago, I pulled it off.
The best part about it is that NO ONE knows I’m doing it.
I take off work but actually “go into work.” I leave the house like normal (or head to my home office with the door closed, depending). And by the time 5:00 pm rolls around, no one is any the wiser.
I save my celebration for days when I know that I have fulfilled a ton of social obligations (or before I will need to) so no one will miss me. It helps that I’m well known to not answer texts or my phone on a regular basis. This is when the crazy and all of my curmudgeoneness works together to give me a day or two of true relaxation.
Food ✓
Books to Read ✓
Possible Art Supplies to Play with ✓
Blank Books/Journals for possible Art Supplies ✓
My phone in another room and/or tucked away so I can ignore it ✓
I will spend my first hour of my “workday” as usual, checking in online and all the phone things, setting up expectations and then, by 10 am, I am blissfully offline doing whatever it is I want at whatever location.
There are times I will take myself to the book store or to lunch or a break somewhere in the afternoon – depending on the schedule and location. The priority is to stay quiet and incognito. I would not risk it otherwise.
I know that I am not the only one on this. I have talked to numerous people who have found security in being able to share these same sentiments with me. I believe there are more of us and could turn the tide on it if we wished. We are likely just too tired and annoyed by it all to have the energy and expend the effort.
To the question “Do you have plans this weekend?”
I proudly answer “Please God, I hope not!”