And maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be
December 2025
It seems like whether we want to or not, December reminds us of things – that we wanted or want to do.
My forgotten dreams come as I remember earlier holidays and/or while I’m making plans for the holiday into next year.
I will pick up some old dreams I had when I was younger and check them out, again and again. Year after year. At the same time, I will also hear that incessant chatter in my brain about bringing back lost dreams and “who were you when you were kid? Do those things again.” As I think through these dreams, I find myself once again, setting them aside as I have done every year prior. These dreams are best left to shine in the past and not to try forcing them into a world (and a me) that no longer exists.
Soon after, I will come to remember newer (of the last decade) dreams that also got lost along the way in the shuffle and busyness of the years.
No matter if the dreams are from childhood or mid-adulthood, they have one thing in common. Each of them had “their year.” That particular year was going to be “THE YEAR.” That year I would spend the time, money and effort on “THE DREAM.” (Insert various creative activities, health endeavors and trips here.)
None happened the way I had hoped or planned. And almost all were abandoned a quarter, midway or somewhere close to the finish line or sometime in mid-Spring or Summer.
There’s a lot of talk about pushing through, making a plan, working towards a goal, blah, blah, blah…
Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t the right time for that dream.
Maybe, truly maybe, I wasn’t ready for what I thought I wanted. Maybe, I had some things to settle first.
And maybe, after putting in some effort and time, it wasn’t what I really wanted.
I’ve done this with a few of my dreams. I started out strong for a few months and then I realized this is not what I want to do or how I want to live my life.
In the next year, I pick it up again. I wonder why I stalled the year before. This is always after reading something super motivational, “just keep going no matter what”, “you can do it!” rah, rah, productivity stuff. I do the things, I work the plan…
Then I remember why I bailed on that dream in the first place. I realize I was right the first time and now I am again, to let this dream go.
Unsurprisingly, I have grown very skeptical of the “rah rah, you can do it, just push!” productivity stuff. (Doesn’t mean I won’t stop voraciously reading it.) I think that’s why everyone talks about your why because you have to have that to keep it going…but is why really enough? Is “a not necessarily made in reality” why really going to be the superpower?
I don’t think so. I think reality and living with the life you have rather than the dream life is more important than the why.
What if the whole point of ALL of this is just to try things, learn things and see what happens?
If I try something and abandon it 100 times…
SO FREAKING WHAT?
It wasn’t that my why wasn’t strong enough.
It WAS that I was living an actual, realistic, limited life. And making choices and living in real time.
I learned more about me, who I want to be and how I want to live in each of those hundreds of times I’ve started and stopped at the same story, goal, or idea. Maybe the actual product or thing isn’t the point. (Can I say that in a capitalist society?)
I became stronger, wiser, more knowledgeable, and maybe more patient and understanding (to myself and others in all of those instances. Do I want the actual thing or to be a fuller, more well-rounded, loving and understanding person?
I usually make the choice unquantifiable. (And cheer when others do the same.)
For all the dreams that we have and the free time and artistic exploration that we can do, maybe the winding path, where we forget and remember in cycles, is just part of the dream itself. And a part of who we are as a person living in this world.
In the spirit of winding down and rest in December, I’m trying to re-remember this as the dreams return for their annual free-for-all in my head.
