(How to Stop and Assess)
November 2025
So, how do you stop and actually listen? Even if you don’t feel like you’re doing it right or doing it well or even doing it at all?
What you do is you take the time and see what comes from it. And since I would never talk about something I don’t practice, here’s my example:
I took the time this past month to do some checking in. Some of it was scheduled, some of it, life schedules it for you, whether or not you want it. I have considered November as a cleanup time. It means I have the space to get ready to enjoy what I can of the holidays. And to prepare for January and February when we are more socially able to be reclusive. I want to max out that enjoyment of the solitude and silence of the winter.
My on-going challenge with stopping to assess, is realizing that the things I’ve been thinking or believing are actually not the “truth.” And that one little realization is enough to upend my entire life.
I will not really know the outcome or the things that are going to be coming from this change in belief and understanding until probably the middle of 2026. Just because things change internally – it usually takes much more time on the surface. Like planting a seed, that seed is growing but who knows how long it will take to be a tree (or if it will even make it to a tree but instead be a larger bush!)
At this moment in time, I am getting ready to embark on a new full-time position and I am very excited about returning to fully remote work. After working remotely from 2006 to 2019, I went back into the “real world” where you had to go into the office. I’ve since been doing that and found that as I get older, I am less tolerant of all the fripperies and additions that going into an office requires.
I’m very focused when I work. I am all about the work. That sometimes gets me in trouble but it also makes me a very productive employee. I can get more done on a Monday morning between 9 and 11 (uninterrupted) than I can seem to get done the rest of the week when I have to go into an office. I’ve accepted that. And I’ve decided to stop fighting it.
This is one example (of many) of how I haven’t listened to my Still Small Voice over the years. I’ve tried to be somebody else that I’m not. I’ve taken jobs that have required lots of additional interaction and social work (by social work, I mean more physical interaction with people, more telephone interaction with people). These jobs required much more of me, energetically and socially, than I really could handle.
At the same time, I thought that once I was “rested” and got better (back when I was kind of avoiding “outside work”), I thought that was exactly what I should have been doing. Going out into the world and interacting constantly every day. When in actuality, I just happened to fall into a perfect sort of position for me right out of college, very early on in the remote work world.
Over the last few years, I’ve also gotten myself involved in a couple of additional volunteer activities and board commitments. I have been pleased and happy with every single one of them. As of now some terms are coming to an end, I am deciding to step down. I’m not overwhelmed but really thinking if they come with me into the future and is it something I need to be spending energy on right now.
Even though, as I read emails, of course they need more leadership and more people willing to step into the roles. Usually when people are asking for more, I am the first in line to jump in and do it because, hey, why not? I have had capacity before (you know “ask a busy person to get things done!”) But as I’m face to face with my energy and how I feel best, I am finally accepting that I need to have more downtime, more empty space than we as a society are comfortable with. So I’m learning, hopefully this time around, to step away in a natural pause and not have to bring it all crashing down due to situations outside of a natural end point and leaving people hanging. Or me getting wildly resentful and doing a crappy job. (Speaking from experience on both counts).
In my personal life, I have noticed I am switching friend groups again, which has some wonderful benefits and has some very sad and kind of distraught moments for me. I know that people come into your life when you need them. However, I have spent a lot of time thinking the best in people when the people were not really the best. I still see the positive in everybody. But again, because I have to be more conscious of my time and my energy.
I’m totally fine if you look at me and ask me. I don’t have major problems but I do find energy drains faster and has more physical symptoms that I’ve been used to running over for decades. I don’t want to have to be sick and dying before I realize how important my life is to me, and that everybody else and their needs has to come second or third or eighth or last or never to myself. I might know it but I actually need to live it now.
As I embark on this journey into winter, when the world slows down and invites introspection, I am reminded of the significance of boundaries—not only as a means of self-preservation but as essential for personal growth.
Previously, my mindset revolved around doing more, being kinder, and simply accepting the demands placed upon me. Now, there’s a palpable shift; it’s become imperative to vocalize my needs and desires, especially regarding my professional role, volunteer commitments, and personal aspirations.
This check-in is not just about saying no – though it might look like it to the outside.
It’s a deeper understanding of what I truly want and need as I prepare for the years ahead. A commitment to my creativity and self-expression, particularly in my writing.
I realize that as these changes unfold, they will be gradual—phasing in and out over the next year—serving as a reminder that I cannot default to my old ways of automatic response when someone seeks assistance. Because then I wouldn’t be giving myself these opportunities to stop and listen and then I wouldn’t be practicing what I write about…and that to me would be the worst kind of failure – staying on automatic and not listening.