If only…
March 2024
This month is all about WHY you feel so weird and creepy when you see some of these “positive inspirational quotes” on social media or listen to a friend or co-worker quote it while trying to “coach” others through their stuff.
This week’s quote: “The worst thing that can happen is a feeling.”
I have heard this one A LOT. I’ve been told it. I’ve heard it said to friends and family. I’ve seen it all over. The whole “It’s just your thoughts. You are holding yourself back.”
And my response is, “Well, yeah, maybe…”
It is true that our mind can spin stories about what things mean and what people will do, especially if we are taking a risk and putting ourselves out there – whatever that looks like.
It is true that we likely spend WAY more time worrying about and/or avoiding the task than would take to do the task. And no one is even going to know if we did it or not. (Looking at myself and whistling on this one.)
And yes, for some things, the worst thing that can happen is a feeling. Likely with some social upheaval. Silence. Push back. Difficult conversations. Anger. All of these are awful and I would argue a little more than a feeling.
Yes, what others think shouldn’t matter. Yes, you do you and I do me and we all get along like a big happy family…in our dreams of course.
Because what we don’t and refuse to acknowledge is that putting ourselves out there, having opinions and feelings, doing things that other people may not like…
…could be detrimental and harmful to ourselves, to others and possibly deadly.
If the worst thing that could happen was a feeling, we wouldn’t have millions of people holding themselves back from taking what looks like small inconsequential steps in their lives.
We have learned (unfortunately individually or collectively or both), that taking a risk may not be worth the consequences. There are people out there who get their fun from being mean to people, from hurting people. And some of them may not just be random strangers on the internet but our nearest and dearest.
To pretend that some things may not have serious consequences is to live in a world of delusion. There can be shame and fear, that our lives can’t be boiled down to “the worst thing that can happen is a feeling.” There’s a reason others don’t know about what’s going on. There is a reason that people are afraid. There are decisions that are made based on a myriad of factors that a person may or may not be able to speak at any given time. It is not necessarily fear of a feeling.
We are a complex society full of different people, prioritizing different things, wanting different outcomes, living different lives.
Let’s not simplify each other’s lives and assume that we have ANY idea what someone else is going through. Even if they “tell you the whole story”, odds are good they haven’t. Not because they withheld information but because their world is normal to them and it is assumed ours is the same. They don’t think they have to tell you about this circumstance from 10 years ago or how their family works. They haven’t even realized that this still affects them, that this is part of the story – it just is.
“The worst thing that can happen is a feeling” Maybe…
In many circumstances, the BEST thing that can happen is a feeling. Feeling feelings isn’t what is holding us back. There are practical, tangible, real world/life matters to attend to. No amount of feeling or positive quotes is going to change the societies we live in, the complex decisions we have to make and the lack of support in all of it.
If feeling our feelings was really it, we would all be “living our dreams!” and “going for it!”
We aren’t and we won’t. And that’s okay. We can find other routes and ways to get us where we want to go.
Photo by Vie Studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/text-over-a-dried-rose-7006255/