December 2023
There has been much more talk and coverage about mental health, emotional health, “it’s okay to not be okay” than ever before.
And yet, it still seems to be only the mild “unacceptable” emotions that have been accepted – sadness, depression, “not feeling okay.”
I have yet to see a campaign showing anger, grief and despair being acceptable – though these are perfectly acceptable, healthy and sane emotions for anyone living here on planet Earth.
I am always amused (ironically amused) that emotions heighten and get more insistent (ie: harder to hide) the closer we get to the end of the calendar year and the holidays.
I can’t be the only one whose holidays while having some happy memories also have some of the most angering, grief-filled and despairing moments of my life. (Raise a hand with me?)
It’s almost as if the harder we pretend “All is well, all is good, we are just sitting here, everyone happy – god-damn it!, having a great holiday” the harder it is to keep the unacceptable emotions from coming out.
What’s that phrase? You can cover it up in tinsel and glitter, nice words and traditions – it still stinks (and was a ridiculously popular emoji for a time).
Today is the shortest day for the Northern Hemisphere. Many will argue SAD, the lack of light, contributes to those “unacceptable” feelings we get.
Yeah okay, M-A-Y-B-E. It probably doesn’t help.
I argue that feeling obligated to pretend to be happy when you aren’t, planning for events you may or may not want to do/attend (ie: the holidays) while the rest of life feels crazy, perilous, and absurd is a recipe for the exact feelings that are “unacceptable.”
I am angry. I’m angry at a lot of things. I’m angry at various people all over the world fighting deciding their way is better than others – leading to all sorts of problems that have plagued us through the centuries. I’m angry at society for what we give our time, money and attention to. I’m angry people for keeping the”us” and “them” thing going.
I’m angry at specific other things as well. I find the anger, morphs into grief and then despair.
Who am I, this random human to be angry? Am I doing anything about it? Am I putting my money where my mouth is? Am I working for and being the change I want to see?
Some days I hit the nail on the head, others I land thousands of miles away from the mark. Who am I to be angry?
Maybe you are asking yourself that. Maybe you are inundated and trying but also angry at the world around you. Who are you to be angry?
Who are we to be angry? We are human. That gives us a right be to angry.
The challenge is in using the anger, grief and despair in a way that heals us, heals the world around us.
I am finding that anger can be clean, can be useful, can be healing. Though that’s not the narrative thrown around ever (and not at this time of year.)
Anger lights a fire, anger brings visibility, anger brings clarity.
Grief helps us locate the wound, helps us heal it and helps us heal others.
Despair shows us what we want to believe, who we want to be, what it all might look like as we try to do something different.
After we feel the depths of them of course. You can’t work with and process something you run from.
We can’t run from them. I could argue that running from them has caused many of the problems we have today.
No emotion is unacceptable.
Some emotions are more easily accessed (or forced) during certain times – there’s no good or bad. Letting it be whatever it is and feeling the contrast can sometimes be the balm and catalyst you need.
As we move from the darkest day toward the light, remember we need the dark. We need it ALL. We need what is seemingly unacceptable. We need what is naturally human and nature’s reactions to pain and hurt. We need the dark to start the fire (start our drive) for the light. We need the dark to get to the bottom of some of the stuff that’s been hurting us (hurting the world) for years.
The unacceptable emotions of anger, grief and despair, channeled for good, not destruction, are going to be (as it has been before) what helps us to face and create new ways of living and being that are respectful to all.