May 2026
A new idea popped up for me in all my reading and scrolling: A social calendar.
It’s not a new concept in any way. Thought it is one that I hadn’t thought of for a time.
When I was first divorced, I was out and about all the time making connections, enjoying myself and just saying “YES” to all the things.
Unsurprisingly, trying to keep up with even 1-2 groups of community proved too much for me. I was working on stepping back, when COVID stepped in and shut it all down for me. I had needed to be a hermit again. And for the first time ever, I was able to do so without the usual questions and frustrations from well meaning friends and loved ones.
But even a hermit needs some social interaction. It just has to be the right type.
In my quest to figure out social activities that work for me, I tried and picked up some old ones from my time as a social butterfly. It has not been successful – on many levels. I don’t get the same satisfaction out of those activities. I am NOT the same person I was then. COVID did change everything. And even without COVID who knows, I could have still changed in the same way.
After my divorce, all the socializing filled a need that I sort of acknowledged but in true good girl form, stuffed down and hoped it would go way. (”See, I can exist, See, I’m not a bad person.”) At the time, it helped me immensely. It let me know that I could connect even when I felt at my most useless and worthless. I’m now eleven years out. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. Still, that feeling comes easily, especially when stressed (so all the time) and have to be careful it doesn’t start spiraling.
I’m yearning to reach out again – but I don’t want to fall into the old bad habits of agreeing and trying to make social events work while feeling resentful. And shoving my round self into a square hole.
Because really, most social activities are just not my thing and have never been. Being out at night with alcohol…NO. But I did it quite well in the time after my divorce. (It was time to do different back then.) Now I’ve settled back into who I was, who I really am. I have to accept that it was a wonderful time in my life but I am not that person anymore.
I’m the person who blocks my calendar after 6 pm to remind myself not to book things. Yet, I’m realizing that maybe once (no more than twice) a month I might have to go out.
But it’s gotta be supportive and nourishing. Different words/feelings I’m looking for now.
I recently re-came across this idea of a social calendar (probably from my deep dive inspired by Bridgerton and The Gilded Age.) It took everything I knew inside and put it into something I could tangibly write down and plan.
I love a framework and plan – nothing makes me happier.
There was the one question that had to be answered first: What do I build my social calendar on? Before it had been built on church and dance. But that wasn’t consciously built. I had fallen into it, thinking that was who I was and who I had wanted to be. It wasn’t the exact right fit.
So now what? I had engaged with other groups throughout my time living where I’ve been living (20 years now!) A class here. An event there. Supporting certain charities with and for friends and co-workers.
I went back to those memories. I realized that some of my previous volunteer roles and other groups I’ve been interested is where I start.
I will try them out again, one ticket, one (to two) events per month at a time.
Prioritize the groups, the events that give me the feelings I want: Supportive and Nourishing. And let the other ones go. Even if I want to support the others or want to be involved, I have to let them go.
I have a wonderful workout group that I meet with weekly for workouts, quarterly for book clubs (evenings 4 times a year) and random other get-togethers of games and celebrations (also evenings.)
That is my base that I’m building everything around.
For 2026, I joined a group that meets 5 times a year on a Saturday afternoon for 2 hours. Daytime, perfect. There’s my second social commitment.
Additionally, there are virtual quarterly book clubs I’m trying out. As someone who never wants to leave the house, even I know those don’t necessarily count as a social event for me.
There is a monthly gathering at 4 pm on a Sunday that I’ve been to recently and might go back again.
I looked back at the volunteer work I used to do. I loved volunteering for certain places, music and literacy – Saturday and Sunday afternoons with evening options. I think an evening option in the next few months is the next step.
Plus I have to go to some as an attendee every other event. I have found great comfort and joy in “working” events that I would like to attend – it gave my anxiety something to do and calmed it down. Now though, I realize though that by volunteering I don’t get the full embodied experience that I need. (My anxiety is off on other things now so I think it will be okay.)
So what about the big events, parties etc?
I don’t think they will ever be a part of my social calendar. That’s okay. I also have friends that I would like to meet up with more and I love the one-on-one or four-six group gatherings more than the massive amounts of people.
Maybe I will build up to a larger class or festival in the future.
All of this I knew in my head. Now I have a way of phrasing, thinking and writing down. And ensuring it supports me. Which I’ve been trying to do haphazardly over a decade.
Sometimes good things take time, including a social life that nourishes and supports while connecting to where and who I want to be.
I am grateful you read what I write but I don’t want that to be it for you. I want it to help you in some way. So at the end, some questions to think about.
This Full Moon’s Listening Exercise
Do you have a social calendar? What do your social activities look like?
Is it conscious, planned events or have you fallen in?
Does your current schedule of things work for you? Or are there changes you would like to make?
Keep Listening…