Mine. “They are mine”, I tell myself regularly. But are they really? There’s this dream as kid that when you are an adult you’ll get to have ice cream for dinner every night, stay up as late as you want and do the things you want to do. Then you grow up and realize that if you thought there were a lot of rules when you were a kid, adulting adds rules upon rules upon rules. And the tricky part is, unlike when you are a kid and the adults tell you “Don’t do this” or “You can’t do that!”,…
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Maybe that’s what I’m doing? Photo by Black ice I’ve been thinking about my discussion with Ann Marie McKenzie about Numerology and Listening. Usually once I learn something new I am all over learning about it. There would normally be eight podcasts to listen to and ten books from the library to pick up about the new topic. Not the case this time though. I’ve been fascinated with all the “occults” since I was a girl – tarot, spells, astrology, divination, Wicca, Gnosticism. Pretty much anything the Catholic Church (the religion of my family and therefore my religion) said was…
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(For the season…) I’ve been wrestling personally with my rhythms. I have found a lot of support in routine – in doing things at certain times, at the same times, to stay in my rhythm or my flow. It gives my regularly panicking brain a break to know that “X will be done at Y time.” I’ve realized though it’s not about the things I do – it’s about what those things mean to me and how I am when I’m doing them. It’s more the timing of the things rather than THE THINGS themselves that gives me the routine.…
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There was a perfect storm of many things that zapped my energy last week. What I’ve written about in the past – if I push too far, then it takes me out for days on end – it happened. It was frustrating. It has taken me about 3 days of doing pretty much nothing to get on the recovery path. A 6 week commitment had a change in schedule mid-way through that seemed to only cause ME tons of stress (as I was the one the change affected and no one else). Why does that always seem to happen? I…
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I am finding more ease and freedom with my early bedtime and quiet hours. I am also finding I am getting WAY more done (what I want to do and what others want me to do!) with the renewed energy. But I didn’t put the boundary in place so I could “life-hack” my way to better productivity. Quite the contrary. It’s a benefit for sure but… I would still want the boundary in place even IF I didn’t get this additional benefit of increased “productivity.” Intention matters. Hustle culture still reigns though we know better. Do what you gotta do,…
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Spring makes me a ball of anxiety. Always has. Likely always will. I find myself out of sorts, off my schedule, and feeling like I don’t have a handle on anything. It feels as if everything is up in the air. I know my words, thoughts and feelings run counter to the society I live in – yet that seems to be the way. And I don’t think that I am alone in it. I have never heard a bad word about Spring. Or even a questioning word. Spring doesn’t have any bad PR. Spring is good. Spring is light,…
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If only… This month is all about WHY you feel so weird and creepy when you see some of these “positive inspirational quotes” on social media or listen to a friend or co-worker quote it while trying to “coach” others through their stuff. This week’s quote: “The worst thing that can happen is a feeling.” I have heard this one A LOT. I’ve been told it. I’ve heard it said to friends and family. I’ve seen it all over. The whole “It’s just your thoughts. You are holding yourself back.” And my response is, “Well, yeah, maybe…” It is true…
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This is THE mountain I will die on. March 2024 Interrupting my normal schedule because we aren’t even two weeks into this and I’m miserable. Yes, it’s Spring in the Northern Hemisphere but I hate every moment of it EVERY year. It feels so disjointed and false. I write this same thing to myself EVERY year as a reminder to myself. My least favorite time of year…where my body wants it to be earlier and the clock says it is later. And the sun definitely does NOT match the number on the clock. I am NOT a fan of Daylight Savings…
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I actually wrote most of this in November of 2022 – again, I am baffled and frustrated that it still is relevant I’m awake. I got up and meditated, did my morning routine and even read for about 20 minutes. Then connected with the world by checking email. That’s the only extent I ever really want to connect with the world. I feel so defeated regularly. I feel like everyone walking around are polar opposites. I fear that at any point, someone is going to decide they don’t like something I say. They will decide I’m a threat and are…
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January is the perfect “excuse” to embrace contradictions – hell, it seems like we are all for it as a society. Just only in a certain way. “Start your goals NOW!” In the dead of winter, without processing anything really from last year, without resting and letting things percolate. Then beat yourself up when you crash sometime mid-January and tell yourself that YOU are the problem. “Of course I am the problem. How could it be the society and systems that give lip service to rest and balance but just use them as a way to get more productivity out…