January 2024
Thank you to Beth Kempton and the Winter Writing Sanctuary for this piece.
January has me cleaning, organizing, settling things from the old year before I get into the new. (Because as far as I’m concerned, February and March actually start the New Year.)
And as the dust settles from December, I notice there is SO MUCH stuff. I get nervous with too much stuff around. It piles up and all of a sudden, I have to get rid of it. All of it. More than I probably should.
It’s like a light switch goes off. And I “MUST DEEP CLEAN!”
Instead of looking at it as clutter (which it is), I see it as tools. Are these tools I need or are they getting in my way?
Usually I just dive in but at the same time, I’m thinking about what I WANT as I’m sorting and cleaning. What I want for myself, for my space, and what I want to create with both of those things.
And really, it’s the question of who do I want to be? And what does that mean for my space? This space that I’m already tossing aside multiple things while thinking about these questions at the same time.
I usually start (because it is easy for me) in my bathroom or my closet. They are a whole room in my mind but I start with one or the other.
I decided to start in my closet today. It is rare that I have much to get rid of. (One of my best friends said I moved into my house with two garbage bags worth of stuff – Total.) As I go through my clothing – checking fabrics, checking for possible stains, wear and tear, reorganize it all back to where it all needs to be, dresses, shirts, scarves & belts, bras, etc. – I am always surprised that there are one or two items that get pulled from their hangers and into the donation bag on the floor (or the trash bin if too far gone). A stained cotton shirt. (I always seem to get oil stains on my chest that no matter what I do I can’t get out.) A dress that no longer fits or lays right (and tailoring is not an option on it.)
Then I have just a little more space between the hangers and “ah…” I’m on a roll. Let’s keep going!
Into the bathroom I go. Under the sink first and always. Reorganizing the cotton pads, floss, razors, oils and contacts, soaps and creams. I’ll find what I call a stray – something that I said I would use and I know that I actually won’t. Ever. It gets set aside into another pile to ask a friend if she wants or will be donated. I’ll notice a dripping bottle or a spill. I’ll question why I bought something and I’ll reiterate my promise to myself to live with less and more will head to the donate pile.
Then onto the drawers and counters. Is this expired? (Usually). Am I even using it? (Likely not.) Should I be using it? (According to whom?)
Back to the inevitable questions –
“Who do I want to be?” leads to “How can I make this easier on myself? How can I make this more enjoyable?” Same questions – but leading me down different paths for different answers I would not have considered otherwise..
I wipe down the mirrors and the counter. I try to store more away, off the counter and into the cabinets and drawers. I coaxed the Q-tips back into some sort of order. I throw out the stretched out, no soaking could save these stains, hair ties and bands, trying to get all the stray hairs out the drawer. Most days I’m happy when I get 30% out – my hair just spawns tumbleweeds in the craziest places.
Then my jewelry. I’ve gone from three pieces to six pieces. I try to store it all in an easily accessible yet not visible way. One of the drawers of course. It all jumbles and blends together – which I know isn’t good for it – but for now it works. It’s the first time I’ve regularly worn jewelry during my four decades on earth, so there must be something going on I haven’t figured out yet. I’ll see as we go if I need to change the storage.
I continue around the bathroom to the towels, rerolling and tucking, rearranging my napkins and table linens for the next season. (I am all about having what I need easily accessible.)I sort through the copious amounts of makeup bags from various products I’ve bought or been gifted throughout the last decade. (Wow! I always think I don’t own anything and then I see the makeup bag pile!) Some bags stay, some find homes in my gym and office bags for corralling things, some corral items around the house and then the remainder head to my gift bag, wrapping paper box in my office to be given to someone else. (Who likely has the same pile of bags as me.)
I sort the books I keep near the tub with the epsom salts and essential oils, plus my nail care and moisturizers. So many things that I want to get rid of (how often do I use it?) yet I know when I need them, I need them. I could store them away but then I would use them less. I need to use them more – I tell myself for what is likely the 100th time in the last few years.
I head to my shower, wiping it down, tossing soap scraps and completely used up bottles. I replace the razor. (Who knows when I did that last? It’s one of life’s perpetual mysteries.) I bring out towels and shampoos from under the sink that I found earlier.
Then I check the toilet paper, pads and wipes. Not the most fun thing but probably more essential than anything I did earlier. I know it is all right there, always. It means never being caught off guard and spending time and energy cleaning up blood stains when I’m supposed to be doing something somewhere else. Blue bucket for soaking (because no matter what, it happens) next to the toilet. Check. I’m almost done.
Now I’ve sorted and made space on my most personal items. The rest of the house will be done later. Today, this week, this month or year.
Next I’ll sort my nightstand – essentially moving things around. My kitchen will get the same treatment (at some point.) My office gets the treatment at least twice a year. It’s usually when I just can’t work anymore and I’ve “HAD IT.” The need to feel like “I’m working” means I do it quickly and efficiently and helps me jump back in again with less burnout feeling.
Which is how I feel about going through my closet and bathroom, it helps me jump back in again on life. On my dreams. On putting one foot in front of the other when it feels like the world is crashing down and I can’t do anything right. Exterior space brings interior space and a reminder of what and whyI really want to take up space. And how I want to take up space.
It’s a quarterly (or more when I’m feeling the need to ground) reminder that I can take up space and I choose to take up space and also give myself space to breathe. Just part of weaving my way in and out of my life as I feel called.