But I have to figure out how to be okay…
February 2026
I had this idea that if I just scheduled all my topics out, I would write them. I called it acting as a professional. Taking myself seriously. Holding myself accountable.
*Phbt*
As someone who roots deeply into her routine as a matter of sanity, even I know that some of the scheduled things and being serious are the last things you should be doing.
This one’s title was supposed to be “It’s okay even if it’s not okay.” But it’s not.
It’s not okay that things are not okay. There are truly valid, obvious reasons that things are not okay and may not be okay. In this lifetime or the next.
Still to make it through until I get to that lifetime, I have to be okay. Especially if things are not okay.
This is the new standard.
I do wonder and look around for information. Like is this something that you realize at middle age? Is it really just a sign of the times? I question, because I grew up isolated (in so many ways) in the 80’s and 90’s. The narrative then was built by essentially having no idea what was really going on except for those who owned all the things wanted you to see. (Oh wait, so not that different from now!)
Still, now with the volume of information, the global connection, and how you get information is just so. much. more. Luckily we are getting more and all sides, especially from the oppressed, disenfranchised and persecuted like never before (I am so grateful!) This further complicates things as the narratives are being spun on lots of things. For some, it’s hard to tell who is who and what pain and suffering really are and who is the one really suffering.
If you have no perspective on others, if you bought into whatever stories you were/are fed – you can think the other side is made up. Granted in some ways that might be easier. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying I can see why some would choose it.
I am trying hard to make sure I don’t make that choice. I am as aware as I can be without harming myself. I am giving as much of myself and my resources as I can. It may be “small” in the grand scheme of things and compared to what other people are (or being forced) to give.
But I am here, on earth to do what I can for the long haul. That looks different now than it was just a few years ago. It might need to change in a few weeks or days. Still, I know that I need to hold reserve always for when it’s really needed. How do I know? I know I will. I know it will matter and I will drain everything I have in that moment if necessary.
I want to also note that my view does come from some extreme privilege in places and not so much in others. I am aware of that. There battles that people of extremely seemingly “privileged” lives fight every day while being able to opt out of other ones. Still if we are all aware and doing what we can for ourselves and for others, I’d like to think that this is how we make the change, make things happen. We just have to know when and how we need to fight on our own in our own battles AND then take some energy to help those who are next to us.
So things are not remotely okay. On so many levels.
So for me to be as okay as I can be on any given day.
- I focus on my daily walks – sunshine, movement, free antidepressant (so needed at this time) ✅
- I focus on eating well, regularly and those working to make our food supply better for all – local, organic, Fair Trade, Minority-owned, B-corps, etc. ✅
- I get to bed by 10pm every night and do what I can to minimize stress throughout the day – that means opting out of all the things that two years ago used to be “normal” for me ✅
This is all not okay. But we do have to be as okay as we can individually to make things okay, in the end. Whenever that end is.
It never was a sprint. It was always a marathon. It is many marathons put together over mountains and severely dry deserts. We will keep going and be okay. We don’t know what it looks like. But we do our best to plan and we hand the baton off when we need to.
We do our best to be okay, so we can help others be okay. And maybe, just maybe we will get to see how the fight moves on all fronts – on the outside and watching our interior changes break it all open.
It is our race to run in the capacities we are given, in the life that we were born into.
I hope (and to rephrase ”Do what you can and God will do the rest”):
That if we all do what we can, the rest can be done and will be done by all our collective individual change.