It is a relentless cycle I’m in…
June 2025
I realize that I’m doing too much…
So I cut back…
And I feel VERY LOST…
so I….
Add something (lots of things) new and then I …
Get resentful…
And cut back again…
Then I feel like I’ve opened the space to let more in…
So I do…
and then…
It’s a cycle I’m stuck in and I know that only I can stop it.
For the moment, I’m in the quiet time. I’m feeling nervous. On edge. Like it’s time to introduce something new.
But (and this is how I break the cycle), I’m cutting back even more!
“Just because what you want isn’t here today, it doesn’t mean you should fill the empty space while you wait for it to arrive.” – Danielle LaPorte
I think of myself seven years ago, working 2-4 jobs with way too many commitments and plans on top of them. The me of seven years ago, she would be horrified right now. She would take one look at my calendar and thought I’d given up on life. On myself.
Yet, I know that same woman wanted what I have now. She just couldn’t have imagined it existed. A world where I could work one job and have tons of other interests that didn’t take up ALL. THE. TIME. That I could still volunteer and do what I love best while having space and time in my calendar.
Because (over seven years), I’ve learned some things. That being “ruthless” is actually what saved and is saving me. That the unscheduled time in my calendar or those blocks that I do (to remind myself NOT to book anything) are actually what is keeping me sane.
It’s the empty space, the empty time, where I’m not being productive, or doing something (or even planning on how to get things done)…that’s where I’m healing and becoming.
I still have added a few (short term) commitments. Because of the space, I went to an outdoor yoga class with a group of women I’ve been longing to connect with more this past Saturday. Because of the space, I’m creating more with my hands (and away from the screen). Not only do I feel better when doing this, it will help me later when I’m not feeling great and can refer to it (with all my little toys and strips of ideas of what to do when I don’t feel great.) None of them include a screen.
Trying something new to me actually means trying to do nothing. Different means less to none.
I re-listened to one of Danielle LaPorte’s bonuses from back in the day and that quote jumped out at me again. So much so that I went back to the audio to write it down.
“Just because what you want isn’t here today, it doesn’t mean you should fill the empty space while you wait for it to arrive.” – Danielle LaPorte
It was the reminder I needed as I’m steering my ship out into the quiet unknown. And settling into the empty as I wait for what I want.
I may not know what that is yet, but being in the empty, I know, is the only way to know.