January 2024
January is the perfect “excuse” to embrace contradictions – hell, it seems like we are all for it as a society. Just only in a certain way.
“Start your goals NOW!” In the dead of winter, without processing anything really from last year, without resting and letting things percolate.
Then beat yourself up when you crash sometime mid-January and tell yourself that YOU are the problem.
“Of course I am the problem. How could it be the society and systems that give lip service to rest and balance but just use them as a way to get more productivity out of us? It’s not them. It’s me right?! At least I can control myself! I can muscle, hustle, and push to my goal! I know I can!”
So I know we can embrace contradiction. If you are a somewhat functioning human in society, you embrace contradiction (or leave your soul at the door) every single day. Otherwise, I think we all might self-combust.
The whole January “Go for your goals vibe” doesn’t work. We know that. It’s like expecting a dozen tomatoes from a neglected seed that’s been sitting in an abandoned cardboard box in a dark basement since your last move (10 years ago.) Ain’t gonna happen in any way that is healthy and sustainable.
I’d like to think that’s what we are trying for nowadays. Not just “success” or “doing good” but doing it in a way that is healthy and sustainable (as much as possible) for everyone all around.
It requires even more work than “crushing your goals.” You have to really think about things. Convenience and just “going with the flow” are out. Ignoring others and things around us – out.
We pretend (usually to stay functioning, see the not self-combusting above) that it’s one or the other. I can do this or I can do that. And sometimes, within the confines of reality that may be the case.
There are times though, that thinking of having both things can open up a different world, if just for a moment. It might not physically be possible but then again…sometimes you come up with something you might have not otherwise. No, we don’t have Hermione’s time turner but we found a way to do something we otherwise could not.
That’s success and embracing ambivalence.
You may have heard the Chinese Farmer Parable (if you haven’t this link is a good summary).
Say you do “crush your goals” but it leads to missing the last moments with someone you dearly love.
Or you don’t “crush your goals” and you lose your house.
Or you do (again “crush them”), leading to a great connection that brings you even more success…until that person is jailed for fraud and now you are caught in a court battle of your own for the next 10 years that takes everything you own.
Or you don’t (again “crush them”) leading to a great connection outside your stated goal that supports you and your family while you deal with a life-changing medical diagnosis.
We are all ambivalent and holding contradictions constantly to live in society. And we all really don’t know how anything is going to turn out in the end (do we even get to make the call when “the end” is?)
Why can’t we hold ambivalence in service to ourselves?
It’s not EITHER/OR It’s BOTH/AND.
I want to take a walk to feel better and maybe live longer but I also want to sit down and relax.
I want to do my work but I also want to make this connection with a colleague.
I want to take a date night with my partner and I want to keep things easier on both our schedules.
I want to have this experience and I want to have this money in our bank account.
We have these within ourselves everyday. (Among other terrifying ones we don’t look at frequently because we’d despair, living in the society we do.)
It’s the same thing with our goals, with our dreams. We can hold ambivalence as a tool. It’s not a sign that something has gone wrong. It’s a sign that we are human and that embracing contradiction might be the only way we are going to get anywhere. Wherever and whenever that may be.