January 2024 For years, my Google calendar had a banner across all the weeks of January into February. It looked something like this: DON’T SCHEDULE ANYTHING. DON’T DO IT! I KNOW YOU THINK IT WILL BE OKAY BUT IT WON’T! JUST DON’T SCHEDULE ANYTHING – YOU ARE GOING TO BE MISERABLE. I saw it a lot. I saw it every time I added something to the calendar, reading that warning, feeling the sinking feeling in my gut but adding the event anyway. “Because I had to, because this is a singular opportunity, because I agreed to manage x,y,z and it…
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January 2024 Thank you to Beth Kempton and the Winter Writing Sanctuary for this piece. January has me cleaning, organizing, settling things from the old year before I get into the new. (Because as far as I’m concerned, February and March actually start the New Year.) And as the dust settles from December, I notice there is SO MUCH stuff. I get nervous with too much stuff around. It piles up and all of a sudden, I have to get rid of it. All of it. More than I probably should. It’s like a light switch goes off. And I…
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January 2024 Though I mentioned that I try VERY VERY hard not to schedule things in January (or after 5 pm), I acquiesced a few weeks ago for a beginner climbing class at the gym. Things to know before reading on: Sprained my left ankle last year (and it’s still hurting), I have zero arm or grip strength (I drop things all the time), I am definitely of a bigger body and I’m not good with heights. So why did I sign up for this class? Well, four reasons – I found myself with two other beginner climbers (we were…
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January 2024 January is the perfect “excuse” to embrace contradictions – hell, it seems like we are all for it as a society. Just only in a certain way. “Start your goals NOW!” In the dead of winter, without processing anything really from last year, without resting and letting things percolate. Then beat yourself up when you crash sometime mid-January and tell yourself that YOU are the problem. “Of course I am the problem. How could it be the society and systems that give lip service to rest and balance but just use them as a way to get more…
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February 2024 I have invested lots of money into coaching and leadership programs to help myself and to help other people (CAVEAT: if they should want my help.) These two words, coaching and leadership are so loaded, so diluted and so mainstream that they really don’t mean anything anymore. It’s sad that they have become shells of their former meaning. I have never really liked the word coach. I’ve had a few coaches of my own over the years. I am so grateful for them. They helped me immensely – holding me accountable, helping me think through things, and giving…
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February 2024 Contact Lenses Audre Lorde Lacking what they want to see makes my eyes hungry and eyes can feel only pain. Once I lived behind thick walls of glass and my eyes belonged to a different ethic timidly rubbing the edges of whatever turned them on. Seeing usually was a matter of what was behind my brain. Now my eyes have become a part of me exposed quick risky and open to all the same dangers. I see much better now and my eyes hurt. I came across this poem reading “The Selected Works of Audre Lorde” Edited and…
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I actually wrote most of this in November of 2022 – again, I am baffled and frustrated that it still is relevant February 2024 I’m awake. I got up and meditated, did my morning routine and even read for about 20 minutes. Then connected with the world by checking email. That’s the only extent I ever really want to connect with the world. I feel so defeated regularly. I feel like everyone walking around are polar opposites. I fear that at any point, someone is going to decide they don’t like something I say. They will decide I’m a threat…