October 2023
Many people know and live a “multiple lives” reality.
This is above and beyond “Don’t mention politics or hot button issues” in certain situations. Or by just not saying anything because it doesn’t matter and/or to keep the peace.
It’s not just refraining from sharing certain parts of yourself.
It’s knowing you truly have to put on different pieces for every part of your being to “be presentable” and “go out into the world.”
It’s like putting on a spandex costume three sizes too small.
Yet, millions do this every day – to support themselves, their families, in avoidance of confrontation, physical and sexual harassment (all the harassments.)
Because on top of the too small spandex costume, the brain and emotions have to do mental gymnastics the entire time to keep the person safe by not saying or expressing certain things that are natural to them.
I lived this way for years and still sometimes have to put the costume on for the sake of my livelihood and family. And I’m quite privileged so my mind reels at what others have to do to get by in the world (and it makes me angry and comatose at times, though I’m doing what I can where I am with what I have.)
It seems as if one small wrong move (even by a stranger not remotely near someone else) can cause death. I wish I were exaggerating.
So how do we handle this? How do we keep safe when it feels like our very selves and our very physical beings are at risk?
It’s simple but not easy.
Doing what you can, where you are with what you have…and knowing what you can handle so you can keep pressing on.
It’s knowing what you can handle so you can keep pressing on that I think needs some more airtime when we talk about all these things.
- There are discussions, disagreements and arguments that are NOT worth the fight, are NOT worth staking the claim on the mountain, when there are bills to pay, people to feed and bigger things to fight for.
- Then there are times you stake the claim on that mountain and KNOW that maybe some of those other things on your plate right now, just aren’t going to get the time and effort they expected.
Both situations are PERFECT. Because they put YOU as the primary deciding force in your life.
As long as YOU are the one making the decision on what to do or what not to do, put on the small costume or not, stand your ground or not, that is what matters.
It is when we feel pulled/forced by situations to make decisions that we don’t want (over and over again) where we aren’t taking our role.
That leaves us feeling awful, resentful, bitter…
There starts the downward spiral.
Which is why I’d write it:
Knowing what you can handle so you can keep pressing on doing what you can, where you are with what you have.