(and why that is hard as hell on a regular basis)
April 2026
Full disclosure: I was formed spiritually by Catholicism (so many versions!) in both my early years and then as a divorced single woman with no children. There is much that I find supportive and there is a WHOLE lot that I just can’t get behind. I don’t believe that I’m different from any other Catholic or any other person in any religion in this world.
You do what is right no matter what.
That’s what I learned though I’m not sure how. I imagined I read about it or heard of people usually showing great mercy or great personal sacrifice to do the right thing.
Like someone turning in a wallet with all the money left in it (usually an exorbitant sum of money which is what made it such a big deal.) In school, it was likely reading about those people who helped the enslaved to their freedom in the United States or those who helped the persecuted (those who were Jewish, gypsies and other-ed) in Nazi occupied territories. All of them at the risk of their own lives and those of their families.
I loved these stores. It was a world I wanted to live in. I wasn’t necessarily finding it but if it was written about and covered sometimes in smaller stories on the news, it must be out there right?
Then I got older. I found that by doing some of these things – even just the simple task of being honest about certain things when it would have been much easier for me to stay silent, going the extra mile because it was the right thing to do – put me in the spotlight. For both praise and detraction. Still it was and is important to me. (Even as the detraction continues to confuse and upset me.)
So many times I would think of compromising, of being like “Everyone else” (as “they” say and unfortunately many loved ones would want me to do)…
But I couldn’t. Still I’m not sure I’m all the better for it.
It is a cruel world at times. And we have to make sure we are protecting the right things. And It can be hard to tell what is “right” at any given time.
Even if (and now especially if) you are taking the time and energy to be informed, to really understand all sides of a situation, and to make a good and wise decision.
What if that decision is “right” but it is massively contrary?
Contrary to what you’ve done before, contrary to what you claim to believe, contrary to what all the others think is right. Maybe it seems like the wrong idea all the way around, but you know, you just know because you have taken the time, the consideration, the wisdom, every aspect of the situation into account.
Even the Catholic have this clause, calling it honoring your (hopefully wise, merciful, understanding, humane and loving) conscience. Not that it is mentioned a lot in that religion. Wouldn’t people want to think that God is with them without the church. But even the church of my past, one not necessarily known for its love and mercy (though it should be), gives you mercy and a pass for a sin against the church.
So what does that tell you? That maybe sometimes “we” collectively don’t have it right.
I find it interesting (meaning it makes me angry) that we so easily scapegoat people who are doing something contrary to what we think is “right” when we don’t have the whole picture. And we never will. And it’s none of our business. Yet, myself and people I know can be stuck between bad options, trying desperately to do the right thing, taking counsel with wise and thoughtful people, can easily be the object of such scorn and derision. I imagine there is not a person in the world that hasn’t felt that.
Out here in this world, not following the crowd can have some pretty serious consequences. For them and those they love. We’ve seen it before in history and we see it daily if we look around.
This is not the follow your conscience of the so-called selfish follow your heart variety (though I do believe that part does have its place.)
This is the practical daily struggle of leaving, loving and being around people with whom you vehemently disagree with, people who are out to hurt you before you (or they!) even realize it.
What looks right, right now, might not be. It may have been at one time. Maybe it never was and never will be. Some wisdom gets tossed in the gutter is not helpful. Just like following things to the letter of the law isn’t either.
Doing “right” is a choice, a journey that we are all struggling on flailing and failing.
I think it’s still worth pursuing and more important than ever.
