Some thoughts
April 2026
I have many faults. Some of them I’m not even aware of or they haven’t happened yet.
Other faults stalk me, like that bush near my walkway I had a landscaper pull out 8 years ago. It’s back in full glory and it’s not going anywhere.
In a similar style, I have tried to eradicate these long standing “faults”. At least, that’s how these particular personality traits have been presented to me by numerous other people throughout my life.
Interestingly enough it is these faults that make me and what I do, who I am and what I’m known for. If I were to eradicate the “fault”, then what I do best is eliminated as well.
It’s the whole “your struggle is your superpower” thing.
With this caveat. The superpower can still cause problems. I forget that.
I no longer want to eradicate my superpower like I used to. Still I struggle to put it back in its box when it’s not called for. Sometimes I want to have it take a break just because.
It is one thing to realize your fault is a superpower. It is another thing to embrace it when it does become such a stumbling block between you and other people. I’ve heard about the “you be you and let them be them.” I actually feel like I can do it a lot of times.
But if you are a human that cares about other humans, you might find it much more of a challenge to say “their problem, not mine” in a world being torn apart by selfish, destructive individuality. There is so much nuance in all of these “one liner motivational quotes” that we ignore.
- Maybe you don’t want to write that person off (if they have a problem with you).
- Maybe you do want to act in a different way now and again (even if it feels awful and/weird).
It is the challenge of holding opposing sides – one of the messiest parts of being human.
It is true for a lot of people: I don’t care what they think about me, what assumptions they make or how they perceive me.
But for others, I do care. I want a relationship. Not only that but I want to keep the relationship and do my part. It requires both parties to do some work. I guess if it all eventually fails because of my faults, well I’ll know that I tried.
Doesn’t make it any easier to know that something that is such a vital part of me was the reason. Still it may happen, I have to be aware of that.
There is room for boundaries AND room for grace and mercy. Sometimes though, it doesn’t work that way. I’m over here, trying and accommodating, while the other party has no interest and no effort.
It’s that last part that always trips me up. I want to live in a world where we can be human, annoy each other, disagree and still be okay, still be respectful, and still come back to dialogue. And I want others to do the same for me.
So the whole “do onto others as you want done onto you” rings strongly and sometimes to my own detriment.
In many cases, I hide, as if it protects both of us in the relationship. Most of the time I will not even know that I’m hiding. But there have been times that it is the hiding that breaks the heart or relationship with someone that I love. I wonder: How often do others do the same with me?
But I also know that doing exactly that, the hiding, the having boundaries, is what holds me back and keeps me from taking care of myself and those I love the most.
It is a tricky thing – this being honestly human.
A human with faults and superpowers – that are sometimes the same.
Wanting boundaries AND grace and mercy at the same time – to others and from others in this world.
It is a tricky thing – with no right answer.