August 2023
There are so many different ways and tools out there for what I call: “Still Small Voice Whispering.” Most of them are usually categorized under relax, flow, self-care, journaling and being kind.
But there have been times in my life where no matter how much relaxation, meditation, silence and solitude I get, I don’t get anything from The Still Small Voice. This usually occurs after a time period of high stress and anxiety where I shut myself down for weeks or months on end, just to “get the job done.” I do this all the time even though I know better.
And all the self-care and silence in the world doesn’t seem to bring The Still Small Voice back.
I’ve realized that The Still Small Voice always has something to say.
Sometimes, it just doesn’t want to say it.
This is downright exasperating. When I am all relaxed and connected and ready to listen, I get nothing. When I’m in that shut down “just get the job done”, well that’s when it loves to tell me ALL the things (especially the ones I don’t want to hear.)
Sound like anyone else’s daily relationships with everyone they love and care about?
I love solitude and silence and self-care but I know I can’t necessarily always use it as a way to hear from The Still Small Voice. If you ask it a question, it doesn’t come back with the Twizzlers from A8 or “You may rely on it” from your Magic 8 Ball. (No matter how much I want it to!)
I do think questions and trying to dialogue are important. I know that sometimes, I’m not going to get an answer. Maybe The Still Small Voice has something else in mind for me. Maybe it’s ignoring the question and hoping I drop it (similarly to how I feel about what The Still Small Voice tells me some days.) Maybe, like me, sometimes it needs time to think and process before speaking.
I personally have an issue with some of the more obvious questions that are used for what people say is a way to “Find your passion” and “Live your dream.” (Cue huge eye roll and snorting.)
My favorites (that make me want to scream bloody murder): “What would you do if money were no object?” “What would you do if you had to spend a million dollars?” “If you had all the time in the world and everything was taken care of, what would you do?”
I would argue that these questions are pretty damn surface level. They don’t ask us to dig deep into our true selves. And likely aren’t all that interesting to The Still Small Voice. I know they are intended to “release” our inner dreams and longings. However, they feel like they are coming at me with a baseball bat “Tell me what you long for and tell me NOW or I will bludgeon you.” It doesn’t matter how long I “sit with them” or “take them lightly.”
We ourselves are multifaceted beings with multiple interests and roles in life. And things change. So fast. What was relevant to me one day seems completely insane to me the next.
“What in the world was I thinking?”
I find that small questions (with less “let’s flip your life upside down” and “bludgeoning” impact) are way more relevant. And useful. And more likely to be answered. They seem mundane and unexciting of course. But let’s be real. It is way easier to decide between a sandwich and a salad for lunch than a career path or life partner.
I will say this until my dying day that it’s the small everyday choices that move you along. Example: You decide to stop at a different grocery store on the way home from work and pick up dinner. You decide on a roast chicken that gets you in the mood to watch a certain movie. You watch the movie and a line catches your interest or the actor or the location. You look at it differently. You think about how you could incorporate it into your life.
These are the small questions and steps that get you to hear and trust The Still Small Voice. To trust yourself. We know how The Still Small Voice is so easily overwhelmed and unheard. And sometimes defeated. Because well if you didn’t listen that you wanted the salad over the sandwich, how are you going to hear that taking the job at XYZ company is not the right career path for you?
Small questions have you looking at your entire life, small pieces at a time (because again, big hairy scary is exactly that – scary) through different lenses. And they have you take what is seemingly the most boring, routine and mundane questions and routine (red wine or white wine? Fish or chicken? Clean the house or watch Netflix?) and using those choices as a key that unlocks the door for who you are.
Big “I am making the decision right NOW based on this one weekend retreat – away from my daily reality!” may or may not be practical. (How many have you followed through on?)
We all know that vacation and retreat without everyday responsibility are not REAL life. And The Still Small Voice is interested in REAL life just as much if not more than the vacation/retreat life. It is really interested in the fully lived 340 odd days a year that contains the bills, the mortgage, the partner (or the fact that there is no partner), the kids (or the fact that there are no kids), the parental figures, the kooky friend(s), the challenging co-worker(s) and the dog that keeps getting sick for no reason.
Asking those big questions and trying to answer them, of course your best bet is to actually get a semblance of an answer is to do it away from your daily life. Let’s be real, you probably can’t answer them in the few minutes before your morning meeting. So when you can and do answer them, it might be useful and also might be out of touch. These big questions can have consequences. It just usually doesn’t work out like the stories we see on a regular basis. You know the storyline: Hero makes one big change and everything is fixed and life is different. Ta-da, wrapped up in a little bow.
Yes, every once in a while, you make a big change that upends your life because it’s time and you do it.
But that’s only because when you look in the background of these seemingly big changes, there are usually many if not hundreds of thousands of other little decisions that helped propel this big massive change into being. What looks like a big and massive step to the outside world usually seems like the next logical step to you, like going to the dentist when you have an appointment or taking a shower when you are covered in mud.
All of this to say, yes, take the vacation, go on the retreat and answer the big questions, if that calls to you (I will not meet you there.)
But if it doesn’t, you don’t want to, or can’t answer them, you are not doomed from making changes and living out your full self in your life. Small questions can get you there just as easily, naturally and effortlessly – you might not even realize what you are doing.