November 2023
I am asking myself this question about my cozy mission.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I got ALL the feelings.
Trying to be cozy has definitely soothed my system. Though, I think sometimes I think I can ease and soothe my way out of any and ALL emotions.
Well, that’s not honest.
Honest Truth: Holidays are a disastrous free-fall for me, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have a strong desire to turn toward the warmth and light at home, imagining simple holidays that I can, if not enjoy, then at least be present and somewhat comfortable.
I have to accept though, that’s not in the cards for me.
I am always filled with doubt, worry and fear. Sometimes paralyzing.
As the time changes, I realize that we fill these upcoming months with parties, celebrations and traditions.
And these parties, celebrations and traditions can exacerbate these feelings. I have tried in the past to turn toward them to comfort and ease my fears. It usually doesn’t work well for anyone involved.
The fall and winter are a time of turning in, a time for release and rest. Nature mirrors this activitiy. And we try to work against it and wonder why we feel like hell. (Maybe it’s just me?)
There is a cozy of warmth and safety.
Then there is a cozy of dark, eerie, cold, and chaos.
We need both. (Though I fear the sensation and dramatization of Halloween, tends to have us skipping over the second one – I know I do.)
I’m feeling broken up and broken up. And yet, I have no need to feel this way.
Everything is going great – amazing even.
That’s always when the cracks show, my armor is down and my defenses took a trip for a few days.
At the same time, you would have to be living far away under a rock to not feel the pain, the shifts, the fear and the love in the world. Overwhelming at times unless you are ready.
Sometimes cozy is checking out – there may be this picture of warmth and connection. Valid.
Just as much as the isolation and acknowledging the dark and the void, that is cozy too. More of a long-term cozy for the psyche to acknowledge, sift through and clear out what is there.
Cozy can be acknowledging that things are just a disaster and resting in that – not trying to pretty it up for a picture or a great story. Cozy can be acceptance and acknowledgment of that we wish to avoid.
That works better for me. Cozy is self-knowledge and self-acknowledgement. Whatever that happens to look like at the time.