November 2023
Every year the holidays come around and every year, I just want to opt out.
Not because of trauma or bad memories – those are there – they just aren’t the reason.
It’s all just TOO much.
Even a hermit such as myself who tries very hard to distance herself from the news, the ads and the pressure, I just want to throw up my hands and give up.
I want to consciously opt out. I know of many people who just mention it like they are brushing their teeth or getting gas in their car.
I want to know what it was like before they got to that point. Because I can’t imagine that opting out of the holidays is really all that easy at least in the beginning (unless you don’t have friends and family in which case, it probably is that easy!)
I love my family and friends and I actually love the coziness, sights and sounds of this time of year.
I want to enjoy it but it also feels like SO MUCH PRESSURE to enjoy it. That defeats the purpose!
And I think about the pieces that I like and the pieces I’d like to opt-out of, and that brings pressure. Relationships are challenging enough in the day to day and the holiday season just seems to amp it up times a million (or is this just me?)
Then it’s pressure to “think through what I want to do and lovingly tell others what your boundaries are.”
I think that starting and giving boundaries during the holidays is like asking a 12 year old to drive. It will work but it’s going to be freaking awful along the way and might cause some serious damage to multiple people and could even be deadly in some ways.
So why – the trade off is being unhappy one way or the other way right. Yes, it is better to enjoy yourself more than not but…
I think sometimes we have these boundaries and make ourselves happy ideas completely upside down.
It sometimes (baffles me I know) makes me happy to do something I don’t really like because it makes a loved one happy. I do not like the activity at all, I would never choose it but it makes them happy, so I do.
And *gasp* that’s okay too.
Which is why the holidays can be full of tension, stress and emotion with all the forces that are swirling around on everyone. And there are those who just LOVE the holiday and see no stress in it at all and I want to know what they are taking. I try hard to be kind but usually I’m pretty biting and sarcastic. Trying to be kinder.
To myself too. Knowing that it isn’t going to look like ANYONE’s dream holiday and that might be okay. Actually that might be the best compromise and option as we grow and learn together.
My focus this year is not how can I have a good holiday (gave that up years ago!) Usually it’s how can I make it easier (which is my default) and I’m still doing that.
But I have more of a focus this year to calm down my nervous system and my brain.
How can I make this cozier? How can I be comfortable?
Grabbing a comfortable blanket is an A+ answer.
Easy used to mean more efficient and productive – how can I give myself less to do? Now I’m focusing on, how can I make whatever I am doing (even if it is easy) better for my mind and body.
Let’s see how it goes.