(listening to truly listen) I happen to like four letter words. A lot. The more blasphemous, inappropriate and unprofessional the better. Because sometimes calling something awful really does not accurately apply to situations that require those unprofessional four letter words. Unfortunately, since I have no problem using them AND I’m headed into mid-life where I’ve lost whatever filter I have left, I use them much more frequently and in situations where my younger self would have been able to hold back. But this is not about those four letter words, it is about one four letter word in particular that…
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We are prepping for the Holidays Though this might be termed a “you and I” relationship, if it is one that breaks down just because you raise an objection, then it is not the sort of relationship you need in the first place. – From “The Courage to Be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. My calendar has been telling me. I’ve been blatantly ignoring it. Yes, the holidays are coming. I have these gentle reminders (warnings) that start in July. These (supposedly) make sure I ask myself the right questions while NOT in the stress of holiday planning.…
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Not every day needs to be productive to be worth something. – Sabyasachi Roy “Writing While the World Burns” (AuthorsPublish) This sentence summarizes what I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been craving and it came at the exact right time this week – thank you Sabyasachi Roy and AuthorsPublish. I cannot seem to go slow enough or reel in any productivity. Though I want to. I make plans. I have spreadsheets of what I want to write. Then when I go to that topic, I have NO interest. No desire, no longing – that time has passed. (Or I think “Do…
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It’s the end of August and everyone around me seems to be over it. The heat, the busy busy busy… Everyone around me is getting sick and things are just harder to smooth over and ignore. It’s all coming to a head with everything. It (may) help as this is the time of year that schools get ready to or are returning. And this is when all the fall sports, the events, the meetings, everything starts back up again. And for most, there was no summer of relaxation and re-charge, it was just more of the same, to-do’s, schedules and…
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(it’s a celebration and I don’t like it) Toward the end of July is normally where I would take a day off and celebrate my birthday. (Though it’s not remotely near my “official” birthday.) This is where I sound like the cranky old lady I am. I don’t like celebrations. Especially if they are about/around me. My idea of celebration, of relaxation is to hole up in my house, in silence, reading, writing and eating without any interruption. No people, no noise, just me, being me, wandering through my house in silence with my thoughts running through my head uninterrupted…
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That’s what I want to do. Go beyond. I have a very strong familiarity (meaning: I listen to it to go to sleep at night and can quote it verbatim) with 30 Rock. This quote at the end of Season 7: Episode 9 – Game Over (while the credits are rolling) always gets to me. She asks her entourage where they went the night before and the woman responds “Bed, Bath and Beyond.” Octavia says with force and excitement “We went beyond!” One, how often are you excited to go to a store that is around all the time and…
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It is a relentless cycle I’m in… I realize that I’m doing too much… So I cut back… And I feel VERY LOST… so I…. Add something (lots of things) new and then I … Get resentful… And cut back again… Then I feel like I’ve opened the space to let more in… So I do… and then… It’s a cycle I’m stuck in and I know that only I can stop it. For the moment, I’m in the quiet time. I’m feeling nervous. On edge. Like it’s time to introduce something new. But (and this is how I break…
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Maybe it’s time to let some of that go Why do I have to change who and how I am to fit this hypothetical, constantly changing, make-believe culture that changes every second? And changes depending on who I’m talking to? Anyone who creates and then shares takes a huge risk… “Will they understand? Will they get it?” That’s the hope. The fear looms large. I’m not afraid of people not getting “it”. (Whatever this “it” is.) It’s the inevitable pressing of others on me to make the elusive “it” more “understandable”, more “palatable”, less provocative. You know, so it can…
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when swimming in a culture that doesn’t seem to want that at all When things aren’t working (and that feels like ALL.THE.TIME), I find myself looking for systems and procedures that can get any one area of my life under control. It doesn’t have to actually get it under control – just needs to give me a semblance of control. It gives me some form of an understanding (even if it’s false) in a world that I‘ve always found pretty messed up and hypocritical. I tell myself that this semblance of control is needed to keep me from spinning out.…
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Metaphorically of course…unless… When the last season of The American Ex Wife Podcast changed its tagline (thank you lyz ) from “May the dresses we burn light the way” to “May the bridges we burn light the way” it tugged at something deep in my heart. I’ve been told all my life not to burn bridges. At times I’ve been happy I’ve followed that advice (when I was young and uninformed and didn’t know what was at stake.) And there are times… when I should have grabbed the torch, rounded up my girlfriends, set it all ablaze, toasting marshmallows and…