November 2023
I had the opportunity to volunteer at a local bookshop last week for a talk on Thanksgiving. (The speaker actually wrote a book (some books) about it.)
I have always had a difficult time with Thanksgiving as a holiday. Even before we started to collectively acknowledge that the “traditional” narrative is false and opened Pandora’s box…
As a child it rang false to me. There was no flexibility whatsoever with this holiday. This is the meal, these are the people, this is how we do it. Suggestions, disagreements or mentions left the air around me full of tension and anxiety. I felt like I was questioning God which I didn’t understand because it was just a generic holiday. The ACTUAL sacred holiday one month later felt much more flexible and loving. My kid brain didn’t understand but it did know that something was up.
These are my realities:
I love my family but even my family agrees that lots of quality time together does not a happy family make. Two, three hours max and then everyone retreats to their own thing for EVERYONE’S sanity.
I don’t eat these foods ever. They are not aesthetically pleasing to me and I don’t enjoy them. At all. The throwing of the over dried turkey pieces to the dog in “Christmas Vacation” – that was what I wanted to do even if the turkey was cooked perfectly.
Here’s where I’m coming from: My best food memory of Thanksgiving is my mother getting me a Big Mac on the NY Thruway before the meal so at least I had something to eat that day before the pumpkin pie (and no crust please and thank you!).
I still feel this heaviness though, this failure in the fact that Thanksgiving makes me ludicrously uncomfortable.
I feel like the intent behind it might be a great thing but I feel like the practice is well, exactly NOT the point of the holiday. And my attempts to make it more to that point (and making it some food I am VERY grateful for), well, I might as well be the devil incarnate.
So I was grinning with glee when I quickly read the first few pages of the book sitting at the book selling station before she started talking about it.
ONE: I was fascinated with the woman behind Thanksgiving (Sara Hale) and feel like her story and her causes and how she did things should get WAY more airtime than it does during this time of year. She is an incredible role model and I want to learn more.
TWO: I was thrilled to hear about all the arguments and fights over which Thursday in November Thanksgiving would be. Why and that some people refused to acknowledge the new day. (If only because it makes all of what we are living through in these times with disagreements seem like it’s just the same old same old.)
THREE: Validation! This “simple traditional, ‘it’s always been this way!’ holiday” is anything BUT!
We can acknowledge the intent of a tradition and the history of a tradition. And we can also acknowledge that maybe some of these intentions and traditions have gotten lost in translation as we move through the ever changing world that we live in.
I think that this “reckoning” or push back on these traditions is actually a good thing – it means we are all involved and caring people. We want to find a way to be in community, to contribute to the world, we want to honor the intention of the tradition or holiday. We just might think about it differently.
When you do that though, unfortunately it is likely you will be misunderstood and/or misaligned. Which in normal circumstances anymore feels crazy scary. When interacting with American history, religion, tradition and the stories we keep covered up, it can feel downright petrifying.
The reality is that traditions (and holidays) are filled with stories and expectations – known and unknown. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not. There are always intentions and stories we may never know – leaving everyone open to gloriously imperfect and personal interpretation.
This week before Thanksgiving, no matter what you believe (or don’t), what you eat (or don’t), what you are looking forward to (or not), know that there are others like you, others with you, others that support you and others that have similar intentions. No matter what it looks like to someone else.