I, however, I really could do without it This is my partner and my best friend’s favorite holiday. I, however, I really could do without it. (My first choice of holidays to stop would be April Fool’s Day. Then it would be Halloween in a close tie along with St. Patrick’s Day.) I have no problem with the trick or treating, the dressing up, the candy, the decoration (except for the pre-bought spider webs, that I just don’t understand). I’m game for everything food related because it is fun and because well, food. It is always the obligation of the…
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How Baking got me closer to how I want to live For many years, I have wanted to be a person who enjoys and savors food. I have been into food for decades – growing up on Cooking Shows, Gourmet and Food & Wine in the early 90’s – I’ve always been more about consuming than savoring. Like many, food is in my blood. My parents canned their own tomatoes and made their own horseradish – just because they could. We still spend one Saturday in December making pierogi for Christmas Eve. Food is not just nourishment, but it is…
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Not every day needs to be productive to be worth something. – Sabyasachi Roy “Writing While the World Burns” (AuthorsPublish) This sentence summarizes what I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been craving and it came at the exact right time this week – thank you Sabyasachi Roy and AuthorsPublish. I cannot seem to go slow enough or reel in any productivity. Though I want to. I make plans. I have spreadsheets of what I want to write. Then when I go to that topic, I have NO interest. No desire, no longing – that time has passed. (Or I think “Do…
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It’s the end of August and everyone around me seems to be over it. The heat, the busy busy busy… Everyone around me is getting sick and things are just harder to smooth over and ignore. It’s all coming to a head with everything. It (may) help as this is the time of year that schools get ready to or are returning. And this is when all the fall sports, the events, the meetings, everything starts back up again. And for most, there was no summer of relaxation and re-charge, it was just more of the same, to-do’s, schedules and…
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(it’s a celebration and I don’t like it) Toward the end of July is normally where I would take a day off and celebrate my birthday. (Though it’s not remotely near my “official” birthday.) This is where I sound like the cranky old lady I am. I don’t like celebrations. Especially if they are about/around me. My idea of celebration, of relaxation is to hole up in my house, in silence, reading, writing and eating without any interruption. No people, no noise, just me, being me, wandering through my house in silence with my thoughts running through my head uninterrupted…
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That’s what I want to do. Go beyond. I have a very strong familiarity (meaning: I listen to it to go to sleep at night and can quote it verbatim) with 30 Rock. This quote at the end of Season 7: Episode 9 – Game Over (while the credits are rolling) always gets to me. She asks her entourage where they went the night before and the woman responds “Bed, Bath and Beyond.” Octavia says with force and excitement “We went beyond!” One, how often are you excited to go to a store that is around all the time and…
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It’s summer and hot. This is when I want nothing more than to stay inside with the fan going (and the AC turned down as much as my bank account can handle). I get my room temperature herbal tea and all my books. Not just any books. But all the books with any form of writing in them. It’s time to sort, categorize and rip. A long time ago I used to set aside a morning or an afternoon for this process. I would have so much writing spread across so many journals. Now I do it in shorter sessions…
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It is a relentless cycle I’m in… I realize that I’m doing too much… So I cut back… And I feel VERY LOST… so I…. Add something (lots of things) new and then I … Get resentful… And cut back again… Then I feel like I’ve opened the space to let more in… So I do… and then… It’s a cycle I’m stuck in and I know that only I can stop it. For the moment, I’m in the quiet time. I’m feeling nervous. On edge. Like it’s time to introduce something new. But (and this is how I break…
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a lot of things really don’t matter. And you don’t figure out what does actually matter without retreating. I am retreater. I met a friend for tea the other day and I said “I tend to retreat during Spring and Summer.” She responded “You said that back in the Fall and Winter.” So I retreat all the time. Because I am a retreater. I’m not surprised. I want to make sure I have time. It is vital for me to make space, to have space, to have time and space to make the time and space. It is the necessary…
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Maybe it’s time to let some of that go Why do I have to change who and how I am to fit this hypothetical, constantly changing, make-believe culture that changes every second? And changes depending on who I’m talking to? Anyone who creates and then shares takes a huge risk… “Will they understand? Will they get it?” That’s the hope. The fear looms large. I’m not afraid of people not getting “it”. (Whatever this “it” is.) It’s the inevitable pressing of others on me to make the elusive “it” more “understandable”, more “palatable”, less provocative. You know, so it can…